I attended a beautiful wedding over the weekend. The bride and groom are meant for each other, the sky could not have been bluer, and everyone in the wedding party looked equal parts nervous and delighted. It was perfect—except for the guests. I’m sick of seeing people at big-deal events in jeans and t-shirts, capris and flip-flops, Colts hats and sneakers. And it’s not just weddings—I see the same thing at funerals, graduations and religious ceremonies. If those aren’t occasions for dressing up, what is?
When I dress up—and believe me, doing so gets more labor-intensive with each passing year—I am saying to someone, “Your event is important enough to me that I’ve made an effort.” I’m not shaped like a model, I don’t have a personal shopper (or the budget to support one), and I certainly don’t sew. I wore a 10-year-old dress, a two-year-old sweater and shoes that were killing me. But those shoes said to the bride and groom, I love you enough to suffer.
And I don’t buy the argument that people can’t afford to dress up. The people at this wedding weren’t wearing cheap clothes—they were wearing the wrong clothes. I don’t care how expensive your jeans are—they’re still jeans.
I’m not a formal person. For my own wedding, I bought a linen dress off the rack, and we instructed our guests to wear shorts to the reception so they could limbo to the steel drum band. But I try to match my attire to the occasion, because I think that’s part of what makes a special occasion, well, special.
Am I the only one?
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I couldn’t agree more. You don’t have to wear a tux, but dressing appropriately at functions like weddings or funerals is an expression of respect for the occasion as well as those whose special day it is. When I pass, I expect my friends at least wear shoes, I will be watching.
Amen! We complain about this all the time now. Even the IRT and Symphony on opening night!
I agree wholeheartly! I believe when you dress appropriately for the occasion, you feel more confident. My girls ages 12 and 16 have heard from me many times that these occasions are “not about them” and we need to show respect. This could be at a funeral, wedding, bat mitzvah, or church.
I agree! And quite frankly I don’t know what is important to the jeans/flipflop folks!
You are not the only one!
Many times this summer I have attended weddings, funerals and other events that begged for a dress-up look - but nothing disappointed me more (and still does)than a total lack of respect when attending church on Saturday night or Sunday morning. I saw short-shorts, jeans, cutoffs, bare midriffs and flip-flops. I have seen greater respect immanently expressed for these dress-up affairs by the choices made for attire and hygiene at nearly all functions in the African-American community!
Amen and amen…I haven’t worn suit and tie to work for years (maybe a sportcoat and tie once in awhile) but I still have at least two basic suits appropriate for weddings/ funerals…and I agree with Liz that the cost of ‘dressing up’ is not a barrier since most of my clothes- personal and professional- I have purchsed at Goodwill the last few years and I always dress well and look professional, so money is NOT a barrier…I just believe it’s bad manners or lack of respect for others (same thing actually) and it’s hard to know how to fix, ’cause some of these people you speak of (the flipflop generation) need a complete ‘re-education camp’ on how to dress/ behave in public! (hey, maybe THAT’s what Obama is preparing for our kids?)
Have to admit this struck a chord with me as I find myself dressing down more than ever these days and feeling slightly guilty about it. But I will say this in defense of going casual…you can be casual AND polished at the same time. We have a lot of preconceived notions about what is “dressy” and what is “casual” and they aren’t always correct. Crisp, dark trouser style jeans on women look much more polished and dressy than a standard pair of khakis. Just because it’s “jean” material doesn’t make it slouchy. It’s all about the wash and the cut.
I love you enough to suffer. Good blog post.
I’m glad to hear that so many people agree with me–I’m afraid I’m turning into an old crank. And you kids turn that radio down!
My daughter has a wedding coming up and I so wanted to add in the invitation “Please dress accordingly”!
Why do people do this? You’re right, it’s not the money. A Colts jersey is pretty expensive. And yes, a pair of jeans (appropriately accessorized) can be dressy, so I’m not so much the anti-jean. But sometimes you want to ask them: “Thanks for getting yard work done just in time to get here!”
They must do it to be counter culture or different to be cool. Or is it simply they do not know any better? It HAS to be a choice (after all, your clothes dont magically appear on you when you wake up - although now that I think about it, I’ve seen some people that looked like they slept in what they were wearing.) It does baffle me…and not sure what I’ll do if someone shows up that way at my daughter’s wedding.
I think more than anything it’s a reflection of the “it’s all about me” society we’re living in. Attire is but one symptom. Remember the days where wedding guests were also just that - guests? Back before you were given links to websites where the bride and groom are registered for gifts, or instructed that they would prefer cash?
Power to the cranky old ladies, Liz!
I completely agree with your post, Liz, and I’ll add that the notion that the dressing-down trend is a generational one is false (I’ve seen just as many boomers rockin’ jeans and T-shirts to weddings as any other age group). As someone who belongs what would be the “flip-flop” generation, I understand when an occasion calls for finer dress and agree this is part of what makes such an event special. After all, how many opportunities do we have anymore to break out a nice suit and a smart tie? Am I the only twentysomething who enjoys dressing up from time to time?
Our dress is a reflection of our attitude and society as a whole has become far too casual. Appropriate dress not only exhibits respect, and self discipline but acknowledges authority and order.
Unfortunatley, as long as there are no consequences for rude behavior there will be no change anytime soon.
I’ve been thinking the same thing for the past several years. Our society is way too sloppy and careless when it comes to dressing up. I’m reminded that constantly on my travels to Europe where it seems people really care about how they present themselves. And it’s virtually impossible to find anyone wearing sweat pants over there. Where here it seems to be commonplace as part of a wardrobe for things other than working out. I’m also reminded that when I see photos from the 30’s and 40’s. You look at a photo at a baseball game and it’s amazing to me how dressed up people would get to go watch baseball. Hat’s, shirts and ties. It was a big deal. Now it’s a sloppy display of comfort and a contest to see who can wear the t-shirt with the most socially inappropriate phrase on it.
Take heart, Liz, you are not alone! I’m right there with you in the “won’t you grow up and be appropriate” chorus!
I teach Public Speaking at Ivy Tech, and we have instituted a business casual requirement as a part of the WorkForce Development Certification in several classes. For instance, when students are giving a presentation, they are required to dress in business casual for the occasion. And our code says “no denim” no matter how expensive it is!
This is in response to employers’ feedback on hiring and firing Ivy Tech grads. It seems they had good technical or critical skills as a result of their Ivy Tech experience, but they lacked professionalism. They were lax about attendance punctuality and/or regularity. They were inappropriately dressed and groomed. This led to their being let go and to employers being hesitant about hiring another Ivy Tech grad. Not the reputation this community college was hoping for!
So, now they are being schooled in both grooming and apparel. At first there is minor grumbling, but it is obvious that for many of them it is the first time anyone has cared about what they look like. Their only models have been entertainers, sports figures, and/or cohorts from the neighborhood, previous schools, or inappropriate appearing relatives.
A part of this training also includes signing in on time in class and ha ving someone monitor whether they stay the whole time and/or attend regularly. They lose points for being “inappropriate” in these requirements, too. Better to lose points now than to lose a job later!
Some of them challenge the requirements with predetermined results. Most of the time, their fellow students take care of pointing out that someone is in flip flops approaching the podium, or that more skin is visible than is acceptable, or that a hat is still resident atop the head of the approaching presenter. In these cases, peer teaching is most powerful.
The results are rewarding. Haircuts happen! Men who haven’t worn a belt or real shoes in years begin to gain confidence in not being accused of being square; they begin to take pride in getting “G’ed up” the business casual way. Women who have worn lingerie tops and displayed tramp stamps realize that their ideas are being noticed and are eliciting favorable comments. Folks who were accustomed to wandering in to class when the spirit moved them if at all become punctual and reliable.
Why? Because someone cared enough about helping them succeed as professionals to model and guide them in positive ways. Every correction or suggestion being framed as “to help you become the professional you paid to come to school to be.” Coincidentally, encouraging them to take pride in that professionalism lights a fire in their souls.
Do I feel like a fuddy-duddy for upholding such standards? Well, I feel like a fuddy-duddy who has been a successful professional into her 70’s and who knows that being appropriate in appearance is a measure of what one thinks about oneself, the company one keeps, and the events one attends. I stand up with you, Liz, for honoring an appropriate standard…fuddy-duddy or not!
Thanks, Liz…….for making an excellent point! Having paid many buckeroos for two daughters’ weddings, I agree with the sentiment. People haven’t been taught what is appropriate and what is not like Sandi above says. Good for her for helping. And as for common sense……well, it’s more than a Thomas Paine booklet, but people don’t “get it.”
To: Don S - you are paying the tab so throw the rascals out! (of course, I wouldn’t eother, but would sure want to!)
Let’s hope that the message returns to a bit more dress code civilitry.
Now, excuse me while I tell that kid to GET OFF MY LAWN!! (Just kidding there also.)
Liz, I have struggled with getting this point across to interns and my broadcast students for years. It’s even come to the point where I once had to speak to the supervisor of a fellow employee who was showing waaaaay too much of his boxer shorts while working an interview segment.
I always like to refer back to Jim Gavin, once a WISH-TV intern, then a WXIN reporter, now with the Daniels administration. Jim came to WISH EVERY DAY in a suit and tie, which impressed the heck out of us. He told us it was the mandate of his (& David Letterman’s) fraternity at Ball State.
That was ages ago. Too bad it still seems so refreshing today.
I absolutely agree. How we dress makes a statement about ourselves and our respect for the event, occasion, people and purpose. Your statement regarding its not the cost of the clothes vs. the wrong clothes. I see this in people of all ages. While most the comments seem to regard social occasions, this is also true of work attire. I see more “wrong clothes” than I ever thought! In the past I often heard the standard “dress for where you want to be in your career five years from now.” I see many dressed for where they want to be Saturday night.
Thanks for having the guts to say this Liz. I’d also like to ask, who’s in charge of sending the “No white after Labor Day memo?” Frankly, I find it appalling. It’s nearly a week and a half past Labor Day and I see white this and white that everywhere. I understand that it’s acceptable to wear “winter white” clothing in cream and other off-white colors for certain occasions and winter brides have also always been allowed to wear whatever they please. But everyone else needs to check their calendars and put those summer pumps away!